Alright, so I successfully logged out of my main twitter account. And I hope I could stay logged out as long as possible. I actually used my alternative twitter account few weeks ago with minimal following and almost no follower. I got 1 follower but I intend to maintain zero followers.
So living in my alt account made me stay away from most of twt dramas bec I’m following only the official accounts and only 2 translator/update accounts. But logging out of my main twt also means saying goodbye to the GC with my closest ARMY friends 😢. I just have to do this. Removing things one at a time. Detoxifying myself. I’m not saying that being an ARMY is toxic, it’s just that too much of anything IS toxic. And I think I have to have control in my life once again.
With Taehyung’s 181004 log wherein he said that because he got bored in his hotel room, he went out to dl photography and he was also into arts during that time. So he went to see artworks and did art himself. Taehyung is so holistic while here I am centering my life to BTS. Yes, they are extremely important in my life but I came to this point that I just have to let go of them a little bit. Well, aside from the fact that I’m too poor to be in full blast fangirling mode. 😂
Alright, I made this blog just to have an outlet. A diary of my moving on. Moving on from what? Hmmm…moving on from being too attached to BTS, specially to Kim Taehyung. Yes, Mr. Kim Taehyung, my angel, my love, my first love.
The love of my life, Kim Taehyung
I’m an ARMY for more than 2 years already. And I love BTS so much. Sooooo much. But I realized one day that maybe I should somewhat go and lie low on my fangirling? This happened during the announcement of the Muster lottery. [Muster is a fanmeeting, like a sort of concert] I joined the lottery and I won. Yes, I won! Am I happy that I won? Definitely not. It was heartbreaking. Why? Because I won’t be able to use that ticket! Wow yey! Imagine receiving a gift (that you really really really like) on your hand but nope, you won’t be able to have it. You won’t be able to keep it. Either you throw it away or you give it to a friend. Well first why won’t I be able to use it? Well, because I can’t go to Korea. Because aside from my visa issues (I think I have low chances of getting a Korean visa due to some personal reasons), I realized that I no longer have the rights to spend a lot just to fly to another country and see my boys. Basically because I’m not that rich anymore and I’ll try to face some of my financial responsibilities for my family. So there, I gave the ticket slot to my friend. Gosh, if only you know how much I cried that day (while hugging my 42 in Tata pillow).
I actually didn’t plan to join the lottery at first. Because I know that it will be painful and heartbreaking to win but not be able to use the ticket. But I didn’t know HOW painful and heartbreaking it was until I finally felt it. Well why did I actually join? Well, just in case a miracle would happen wherein I could actually go to Korea (which did not happen haha) and also, I have my friend in mind to whom I’d give the ticket in case she won’t win. And yes actually she didn’t win. So there.
So there, I had a chat (through twt DM) with one of my friends that night and somewhat we mutually felt that we should or we hope to stop this excessive spending for BTS. Haha. Not just excessive spending but excessive use of resources such as time and energy. And in my case, exessive emotional dependence? Like with the event that happened that day really affected me emotionally. I was really really sad for days. And actually until now when I see teasers about the Muster, I feel so sad.
So starting that day, I decided to be on REST mode on Twitter. I tried not to talk that much with my ARMY friends ðŸ˜. I transferred to my other twitter account where I only follow official BTS and BigHit accounts and a few translators/update accounts. Well, I cannot totally stop using twitter but at least I’m no longer seeing these opinions of other people in my timeline. For now, it’s only me and BTS. What I want to happen is that I don’t want to be hurt again. I don’t want to exprience this pain again. Perhaps if I’m not that too emotionally invested on them, I won’t feel too much pain when something happens? I’m not sure. I don’t know. Let’s try thing. But I know that I still love BTS specially Taehyung, and that will never change.
Kim Taehyung, my first love 